Monday, March 28, 2005

God's Lesson Plans

The time is drawing near...we've got a u-haul truck paid for and sent Drew's car to Lafayette with his parents this morning. Our plan is to move April 11th after my last Dr. visit here. Drew's going to be driving the u-haul and I'm driving our other car. I don't really enjoy driving for long periods of time and so I have never driven for longer than 3 or 4 hours at a time. But I will have to make the 10-11 hour trip following Drew with just me and Jed in the car. Yuck! Not only will I have to drive so much, but on long trips, usually one of us spends a good bit of time entertaining Jed while the other is driving. We will have to take frequent breaks!

Drew's last day of working for the Grove is March 31st. My last day at Morton Salt is the 30th. Then we join the ranks of the unemployed. I feel so much like Harrison Ford in that Indiana Jones movie - when he has to take the step out from the lion's mouth onto seemingly nothing. I keep saying "I trust you, God. I trust you." But I think that I may be trusting more in the 'rock bridge' that we're expecting Him to provide rather than trusting in the One who has told us to take this step. And I can't exactly explain the difference clearly because I'm finding it real easy to confuse the two. But I know that there is a difference. I feel it. And I'm running scared because of it.

So I can't help but ask that you pray for God's provision...but I also ask that you pray for me. That I would trust God's heart. That I would seek Him for Him and not for what He can give me. And that I wouldn't be afraid of the lessons he might have in store for me.

"Gratitude" by Nichole Nordeman
Send some rain, would you send some rain?
Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade.
Would you send a cloud, thunder long and loud
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely you can see that we are thirsty and afraid.
But maybe not, not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...
We'll give thanks to you
With gratitude, for lessons learned in how to thirst for you
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If you never send us rain.
Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, and then fill them up again tonight
Oh wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time.
But maybe not, not today. Maybe you'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...
We'll give thanks to you
With gratitude
For lessons learned to hunger after you
And that a starry sky holds a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread
Oh the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need.
So grant us peace, Jesus grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
But maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case...
We'll give thanks to you
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in you
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
If you never grant us peace
But Jesus, would you please...

Monday, March 07, 2005

Things b(l)ogging down my mind...

So March is our last real month here in Arkansas. It's strange. I think that moving to my folks house has kind of helped the process along in my mind. It's been a slow exit. Hanging out 20 steps away on the way to being thousands of steps away.

Moving Jed to his Toddler Bed has NOT been easy. I didn't think it would be easy exactly...maybe just more bearable than it has been. He is an active boy and is not interested in just laying down to take a nap. So, the freedom he is experiencing with a bed that he can climb out of is just way too much for one little boy. But I've got to keep trying because we only have till the end of June or early July to get him used to his new bed. At that point he'll have a little sister (allegedly) who needs the crib.

There are two things that I keep hoping to find in the mailbox. I have been anxiously checking the mail for about 2 weeks now and every day they are not there. One should be arriving without a doubt, and the other I am just hoping & praying for it's arrival. It's driving me batty! Thank goodness the mail only comes once a day, because if it were like email I'd be camped at the mailbox at the bottom of my folks hill. And that would be a long trek to the bathroom...and you know pregnant ladies and the bathroom...

Speaking of pregnant stuff...I was at Wal-mart the other day and needed to buy Kleenex - the soft kind with the lotion in it because Jed's nose was so sore that it was likely to start darting all over his face like that "A nose in need, deserves Puff's indeed" commercial. Anyways, I'm such a serious shopper sometimes. I stood there deciding which product I was going to buy for probably 10 minutes. Then, once I decided, I realized that I probably ought to buy a couple of boxes for different rooms. Oh look - there's the multi-pack of the exact product I want to buy. 3 boxes all wrapped up to make one selling unit. The individual box costs $1.47 and the 3 pack costs $4.96. Here's where the pregnant part comes in. I am not exactly a math whiz when pregnant. Actually, I'm more like 'math-stupid'! But I'm pretty sure that the multi-pack of Kleenex is not exactly a bargain. (Yes, I just opened up the calculator to double check that I'm not the retarded one here...) It costs me roughly $.50 more if I want to buy the three-pack. And in doing so, I can't even pick out the box designs that I want. Isn't it supposed to be a bargain if I purchase in bulk? Now with the Kleenex, I'm willing to say that someone just didn't think it thru since it actually cost more to buy in bulk. But I am finding more and more that buying multi-packs at the grocery store doesn't mean you're getting a better deal. For instance - The Frito-Lay bags with the 12 small bags of chips in them. I can buy that for $3 dollars or I can buy 12 of the exact same $.25 bags for the same $3. Only with the individual bags, I get to choose the chips I want, instead of being stuck with what Frito-Lay has deemed a good assortment. I should so be back in the retail a consultant of course.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Seeing God in the Everyday

Blogging has kind of given me a new perspective. I'm so much more aware of the ways that God is revealing himself to me...the ways that he is teaching me. I am usually so busy or so tired that I fail to sit and reflect on my day, but when I sit down to write about what's going on in my life, it's as though I put on my 'introspectacles.' Everything is clearer. Brighter. More defined.

I have really poor eyesight. If I don't know exactly where my glasses are when I take out my contacts, I am in big trouble! There have been numerous times that I have set them on a patterned bedspread or a dark piece of furniture and been unable to find them. I had to feel around as though blindfolded and have occasionally had to ask for help in finding them!

When I'm not wearing my contacts or glasses the world is a huge blur. I noticed the other night that this makes me VERY sleepy. I can't hardly keep my eyes open because there's nothing to keep them open for. I can probably imagine what things look like more clearly than I can actually see them. I'm finding that things are the same if I'm not wearing my 'introspectacles.' Life is a blur and it's not worth staying conscious for it. So I find myself sleepwalking thru life. I'm not sensing things. I'm not enjoying life. I'm not consciously choosing to do or not do anything. I'm just acting out of habit.

Writing, blogging, it whatever you want, I call it introspection.