Moving me to move...

For the past few weeks I have been expecting to feel baby #2 (affectionately nicknamed Deuce) move. Although I have heard it's heart beating and seen it's body moving, until I feel this new baby move I struggle to connect with it and know that it is real...

Often I find myself needing the same with God. I long for some feeling, some sort of emotional 'kick' to validate God's presence and working in my life. I've heard it said that God is like the wind...although you can't actually see the wind itself, you can see it moving everything it touches. I could be standing in the midst of trees with their tops nearly touching the ground, but if I'm not feeling the wind, experiencing it for myself, it means very little. I rationalize away what is going on with the trees all around me. What I feel is the only thing that matters. Well I'm learning that a lot of time God doesn't choose to work that way. Sometimes I have to trust what others are hearing from God - namely my husband.

We're starting a church in Lafayette soon. When all of this came up I was not exactly on board. Not that I thought it was a bad idea, I just didn't feel God saying "Yes, this is what I want you to do." I didn't feel anything...except maybe a little selfish - not wanting to leave my family. But definately nothing spiritual. I even tried to pray about it...but you know, I really just wasn't feeling it... So I gave up. But God didn't. He kept moving in the hearts of the people that I love and in situations all around me. Eventually I could no longer deny God at work in this. I didn't have to feel anything. I just needed to trust that I was in the midst of a whirl wind and be willing to go where it led. Looks like it is leading to Lafayette... And you know, in surrendering my will to the will of my husbands, who is surrendering his to the will of our Creator, God is creating in me a new sensitivity to his movement. And a greater willingness to trust him even when I personally cannot feel him.

Today I felt Deuce move...